Who Does She Think She Is???



If we see wrong-doing and injustice and do nothing to stop,
we make ourselves sharers in the guilt!



Unfortunately, as I expected, some people do not appreciate my blogs about youth sports and what we can do to improve.   Thankfully, almost all of the feedback I had received has been positive.  I appreciate the kind words, but I also appreciate the questions and I even would like to hear differing views if anyone is willing to share! 

I want to clarify that I do NOT feel that all youth coaches and parents are negative or bad role models.  NOT at all what I was trying to say!  I know there are several that have the best of intentions and try to do the right thing and have attempted to change things in different leagues to make things better for all participants.  But they are typically stopped in their tracks very quickly!!  So, thanks to those coaches who do provide a positive experience and try to teach children to be good people and good teammates!

Some comments that have been passed along to me were that some people are questioning...
 "just who does she think she is?"  and
"why does she feel she has a say on this?"

So, for those people I have an answer! And a few questions!

Just who do I think I am?

First and foremost, I KNOW I am a child of God. 

I am a MOTHER!

I am a PROTECTOR!    (that should be all I need to say, but I will go on!)

I am EDUCATED on the topics that I am discussing!

I have been a SUCCESSFUL athlete and coach.

I am a GIVER!

I am HONEST!

I am STRONG! 

I am COURAGEOUS!

I am NOT perfect!

I am "WIRED" to Care!

IF I FEEL I AM WRONG I WILL ADMIT IT!

I DO MAKE MISTAKES!

I CONSTANTLY AM WORKING TO IMPROVE MYSELF!

I DO NOT MIND if people want to DISLIKE ME for trying to help others! 

I WILL NOT COMPROMISE MY VALUES FOR ANYONE!
 (just ask my husband!)

I BELIEVE what I am saying!

I will STAND BY what I say!

I will STAND UP for OTHERS, who can not stand up for themselves!

I will LISTEN to other points of view, if anyone would like to share!

I WILL and OFTEN DO, AGREE TO DISAGREE!

I LOVE CHILDREN!

I WANT THE BEST FOR OUR COMMUNITY!

I WANT ALL CHILDREN TO HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO BE SUCCESSFUL!

I WANT ALL CHILDREN TO BE TREATED EQUALLY!

I DO NOT think I am any LESS IMPORTANT than anyone else!

I DO NOT think I am better or MORE IMPORTANT than anyone else!

I sure do!
I sure have!

Why do I feel I have a say on this?
see list above, and...

I CAN NOT LIVE WITH MYSELF if I see something that is hurting a child and I have the means to stop it and I do nothing.

TOO MANY PEOPLE see what is going on but for various reasons will NOT voice their opinions in public, so I am being the voice for MANY!!!

Last I checked, the United States allows FREEDOM of SPEECH!

We are ALL entitled to our own opinion!  That includes women...not just men!

I KNOW children (and NOT just my own!) who have been scarred by coaches/adults with the wrong intentions while participating in youth sports!

I am doing my best to present an educated opinion, I have been reading and reading about the topics I am discussing!

Because my boys are pretty much out of youth sports, I feel like my opinion is more valid because I am not doing this for them...it's too late for that!

I believe that if we see wrong doing and do nothing to stop it, we are sharers in the guilt!



Because I do NOT want to be a sharer in the guilt,
 I will continue to...

So, here are a few questions and statements 

to those questioning me....

Why does it bother you that I am concerned with improving things for children in our community?

Do you or your children have something to lose if things were done differently?

Are you more concerned with YOUR CHILD'S success NOW,  than the success and the future of the other children and the sports programs in general?

Why is it OK for MEN to SAY what they think and DO whatever they WANT, regardless of who it effects but yet it is NOT OK for a woman to voice an educated opinion and share information with others?

Do you or have you EVER considered the feelings, hopes and dreams of the children that are being hurt and excluded or being treated as if they are less worthy because they might have less athletic ability than your child has NOW?

I have heard that  "blogs are wrong and just about drama",  so I ask why would people read anything on the internet?  Even newspaper articles have some sort of slant or opinion in them.  And what better way to communicate with many at one time?  And isn't "putting it out there" in a blog for all to read if they so choose,  better than going behind people's backs and complaining WITHOUT offering solutions?
If you have a differing opinion, why don't you state your name and share it in the comments below?  I'd be happy to hear your views and or answer your questions!  And I'm sure other readers would be happy to read it as well!

If a man you respected, say a great coach or great athlete, were to say the same things, would your opinion be different?  

Check out these links!
Dean Smith on Teamwork and Unselfishness
More on Teamwork

Coach John Wooden on UNSELFISHNESS

“Unselfishness is a trait I always insisted upon. I believed that every basketball team is a unit, and I didn’t separate my players as to starters and subs. I tried to make it clear that every man plays a role, including the coach, the assistants, the trainer and the managers


Here's what I think...

What will you choose?



Parenting Young Athletes...We Can Improve!

Teamwork, encouragement, and FUN!

Again, thanks for the feedback!  I'm loving it!  I did get a little negative in my post yesterday...I should have read over it before posting...I could have got the message across without adding negative comments.  However, I had just read comments from a few moms about how their children were treated in Little League and it got me a little fired up!  I want to do my best to keep this positive...but honest...and sometimes honesty about situations is not always positive.  But, I will do my best!  This is not about hurting anyone but making the future of youth sports in our community better for everyone involved and that may mean discussing honestly how things have been done in the past!

Some people are probably wondering why I am concerned when one of boys is 13 and done with youth sports and my other is almost there!  I do have a daughter who is 8 and I do want positive athletic experiences for her. But, to answer that, this is NOT about my children!!!  I am hoping that the next group of parents that take over the youth programs will consider the impact their actions have on everyone involved and do some things differently!  I also would really like to see our school athletic program improve and be a positive aspect of our community.

These boys know what it's all about...
FUN!!!

It breaks my heart when I talk to people from out of town, especially people who I respect, that are involved in athletics and they say things like "well, you know how people from Shelbyville are when it comes to sports!" I have heard words like ridiculous, crazy, rude, unsportsmanlike, and out of control used to describe Shelbyville parents, fans, and players.  I have heard the following statements, "What has happened to Shelbyville sports teams? Things have really gone down hill, huh?"...or "Ya know, some of those kids have really bad attitudes.  They are not near as good as they think they are!" or "Boy, there is some talent there, too bad those kids do NOT play as a team!"  Those comments should really hurt...should embarrass us...and the sad thing is,  I can't argue with them because I have seen it myself!

This past season, the minor league teams
really learned what life and encouraging others
is all about!

One thing I have read about is the approach, our motivation or "orientation" to sports.  Researchers discuss two main approaches to athletics, Task Orientation vs Ego Orientation.  Sports psychologists explain that an athlete's motivation for action typically influences the outcome! 

Task-oriented athletes focus on self-improvement, mastery of skills, and obtaining goals.  They compete with themselves. Success for these individuals is based on their performance, improvement, reaching goals and the teams performance as a whole.  These athletes tend have more of a positive attitude, are good teammates, and end up being SUCCESSFUL!

Ego-oriented athletes are focused solely on outcome and compete with others (teammates included) instead of themselves.  Success is determined by being "the best" and defeating the competition.  These athletes and coaches are often selfish, not team players, and have negative attitudes...which ultimately leads to being UNSUCCESSFUL!

Researchers indicated that task-oriented athletes have higher rates of success, are better at regulating themselves, are more stable, have more positive outlooks and less negative self talk than ego oriented athletes.  Task-Oriented athletes also tend to be more consistent and more hard-working.

How can we, as adult,s look at any child
and view them as more worthy than the next?

Here is a link to The Task and Ego Orientation in Sports Questionnaire.  I find this all very interesting.  The way we handle the majority of our youth sports programs is through ego orientation.  It is no wonder so many young athletes are selfish, focused on winning, feel like failures and cry when they do not win a game...even when they have played well!  They are often being coached by men that work through ego-orientation!  Many parents I watch also seem to encourage ego orientation by acting like losing a game is the end of the world!  By starting out children in sports so young, they are going to compete in numerous events.  They are going to lose...that is part of competition.  When parents focus solely on winning and being the best, the children are being set up for failure!  And honestly, most of these young children under the age of 12 are NOT emotionally ready to handle the stress and demands the ego orientation approach places on them!

The right coach, with the right approach, makes all the difference!

So, how do we change it?  How as parents of these athletes, can we help to change the culture and attitudes?  There is a lot of information out there about parenting athletes.  I encourage you to do your own research and see what you find!  I will share with you some of what I found.

One article suggests to leave your expectations at home!  That kids will perform better in competition when they have no fear of failure and just play for the sake of playing!  Let them know you will not be judging their performance and that neither should they!

It also suggests to encourage intrinsic motivation. I have always believed this is KEY to any athletes success!  Encourage your children to play for the fun of it, for how it makes them FEEL, because it brings them joy...not for extrinsic rewards like ribbons, trophies or bragging rights!  Athletes with intrinsic motivation, who play because they have a passion for the game are far more successful! In my opinion,  children who play because it is the "cool" thing to do, because their parents want them to, or for any other extrinsic reason will not experience success in the long run!  I have always believed that athletes either "have it or they don't"...you can't really "teach" intrinsic motivation, you can encourage it, but some people just have that drive...just have "it"...that thing you can't really describe but you know when you see an athlete who's "got it"!

It also encourages parents to make sure their children are having fun!  And to be a good role model!

Determination!

Another article by Scott Lancaster, discusses the need for parents to leave their emotions at home!  I have to give credit to my husband at this point!  He is great at doing this and has been encouraging  me to do the same for many years!  I have been much better these last few years!  And let me tell you, it is MUCH more fun and enjoyable to attend these youth games, when you take the emotions out and enjoy the improvements, the funny things they do, the little successes that you witness and just let them play and have fun!

Lancaster states that "over 75% of all kids quit sports by the age of 12, with many leaving and never pursuing an active lifestyle again."   He goes on to say, "unfortunately youth sports places your child in an experience that replicates the world of adult sports well before they’re ready to perform at such a level.  With this comes an over emphasis, if not a single focus, on winning.  This now exposes everyone to the politics of who plays, where they play, how much they play, all for the sake of winning a meaningless game or league.  Not to mention the bad behavior displayed by parents in the stands or coaches on the sidelines.




Girls and sports...need to discuss that soon!


The article is so good, I just want to share the rest of it...


When I witness poor parental or coaching behavior during a youth competition it is often   emotionally charged.  There is nothing wrong with a parent’s eagerness to want to see their child perform well, and coaches that want their teams to do the same.  But what they allow to get in their way are their emotions.  They make it a “need” that their child perform well, which becomes a stressful experience for everyone involved.  We’ve all witnessed the parents that cheer for every mistake the opposing team makes, going crazy after every score, the yelling at officials when calls are close or go the wrong way, all these emotions are based on the wrong aspects of youth sports.

If you take the emotion away as a parent or a coach you can take a different perspective that allows you to observe and actually better enjoy the experience.  Many emotions in sports are based on a final result (winning a game, or your child getting a hit, scoring a goal or touchdown).  When you alleviate the importance of a final result you can actually appreciate all the other elements of competition, by enjoying the entire experience.  For example, witnessing your child’s improvement dribbling a ball, getting into a better stance, making better contact, etc.  Those are the moments that you should note and take away to reinforce with your child after a game.

A coach that gets overly emotional in either a negative or positive fashion loses perspective as well.  By keeping an even keel approach, where you stay in the moment and don’t allow the emotions of a blown officials call or an error made by your team distract you, you’ll have the benefit of better observing all aspects of the game and making clear headed decisions.  John Wooden, the all-time winningest basketball coach of all time would sit and observe games, never getting too excited in a negative or positive fashion.  He was there to observe and learn, if he had allowed himself to get carried away in the emotion of a game he would have lost perspective and would’ve not taken half of what he took away from each game and then brought to his team at practice.


His answer to these problems:  
"TAKE THE EMOTION OUT OF IT!!"

All about fun...and enjoying the little things!

I also got some advice from Coach Kern, who I love and respect, and here are her suggestions to the parents of her players...I LOVE this! ( Hope you don't mind me sharing, Coach!)

 THINGS A PARENT SHOULD SAY TO THEIR ATHLETE BEFORE A MATCH---
1. Go give it your all
2. Keep a great attitude
3. I love YOU

3 THINGS A PARENTS SHOULD SAY TO THEIR ATHLETE AFTER A MATCH--
1. I really enjoyed watching you play
2. What do you want to eat?
3. I love YOU

How awesome and SIMPLE is that???!!!

Honestly, I think what I am learning and what I think I have realized over the last several years, is...

* There is more to life than sports!!!

*Either your child "has it" or doesn't..."wants it" or doesn't....no amount of force, begging, bribing, coaching, practicing, or yelling can put a DESIRE to work hard, improve and and be successful!  I think an individual is made that way...yes, it can be there and be undeveloped...but as parents, we can't force something to be there that isn't there!

*ASK your child what they WANT!!!  It is their life!  Would you want someone FORCING you to do something you don't enjoy...while putting pressure on your to preform and be the best?  I think many kids are afraid to say what they really feel and want because they do not want to disappoint!  So, talk to your children about what they ENJOY doing and about their plans for their future!

*And last but not least...LOVE, APPRECIATE, RESPECT, and ENCOURAGE not only your child, but ALL children!!!  Remember, athletic ability DOES NOT determine the worth of a human being!

So, let's all work to be better role models for these young people...let's consider their feelings...and let's put sports in perspective in our community and make things better for everyone!  So many POSITIVES, so much FUN and so much SUCCESS could happen right here in our town if we valued good work ethic, positive character, teamwork, good attitudes and if we VALUED EACH AND EVERY CHILD and THEIR UNIQUE ABILITIES! 

Have always loved this! 
Learning respect...priceless!



Winning???

First, thanks for all of the feedback from the last blog, Youth Sports...let's be honest!  I am so happy to know that it has people thinking!  It honestly was not meant to be a negative post and I'm thankful that everyone saw it as positive...as a way to start to discussion on how our community can change the culture of our youth sports programs...which I believe can change the culture in our schools and the culture in our community as a whole!  We, as adults, teach our children how to treat others.  We may be preaching to the children that we should accept differences, treat other with respect, encourage everyone to be involved, etc. but what we actually do and how we actually treat others is what they see and how they learn to behave!
Reminds me of the saying, "Actions speak louder than words!"  And makes me think of our Little League. We can say that we have a "draft" in Little League to make the teams "fair"...but it always ends up that certain teams are "stacked"?  I do not for one second believe it "just happens"...it is planned...and little "rules" are adjusted each year so that certain coaches can get certain kids and certain men can coach together. It has never been about teaching all of the boys the fundamentals of baseball or working together to make it a positive experience for all involved.  It has never been about trying to divide up the pitchers and players so that each team has one or two kids that can pitch and at least throw the ball over the plate...so that there is actually game play during the games!  It has been about getting certain "special" kids together on one team so that they can "win"!  Just typing that sounds crazy, and hard to believe...but it happens!
I guess, I can't say never!  Last year in the minor league, I know that the coaches actually made an effort to split up the pitchers and helped to separate the teams evenly!  We actually didn't know who was going to win the games before they even started!  It was really fun to watch!  And the kids cheered each other on!  It was a great experience!

So, what about WINNING???

Is winning a bad thing? Is wanting to win a bad thing?

My answer to that is NO!!!  Winning, or the desire to win, is NOT a bad thing! 

What is bad about Winning?...as related to youth sports (13/14 & under)...

• being desperate to win
• winning at all costs mentality
• when winning or losing determines self-worth
• when winning is valued MORE than effort, sportsmanship, teamwork, or doing what is right
• when winning is the ONLY focus and determines if a game was a success...a team could play their best game ever and still lose...so is the entire game considered a failure?
• when youth are not given opportunities because of fear the team might lose if they play
• when kids are told they are "bad" or made to feel like failures for not winning a game

An anonymous reader commented and asked this...

 In early January of this year, President Obama welcomed the Dallas Mavericks to the white house to recognize them as the NBA champions. He was given a team jersey and told them how proud he was of the team and their success. I did not observe the second place team at that meeting. If winning is celebrated by the president and at the highest office in our country, how hard it it going to be to change the example in your own home town.
Looking forward to your response!

Here is my response...

I have no problem with celebrating winning...winning normally comes from a good work ethic, teamwork, practice, commitment, drive, talent, & perseverance. The exact things that I think youth sports should be teaching our children. I think great teams and examples of effort and teamwork should be celebrated...not worshiped, but acknowledged.
If, in our community we do not build up all children and give all of them equal opportunities, regardless of name & social status, we are not only hurting them, we are hurting the future of our school sports programs! How much better is a basketball team when they have 10 or 12 great players, instead of only 3 or 5? If you don't have strong practices and players pushing your starters to work to keep their spots, your team suffers. A perfect example of that is our state championship basketball team...they had a "deep bench"...they had key players coming in off the bench...they had developed the majority of the team, not just the few chosen ones!
If we want successful, winning sports programs in our community, we MUST get past the selfishness and the desire of our children to be "the best"! Our children will celebrate success and winning when they learn to be unselfish, want the best for their teammates, develop a strong work ethic, learn to encourage others, learn to be a good teammate and have fun playing! In my opinion, winning is not a negative thing...the desire and desperation to win at any cost and hurting people to ensure your child is the best is negative!


For those readers who may not know me, I have been told by a reader that I need to tell a little about myself and my sports background...as to let people know I am not just a disgruntled parent that wants my kids to be something I wasn't or a mom that has children who are not athletic at all, that have been mistreated and not allowed to play.  Neither of those is the case.  I played volleyball and was a setter on a Shelbyville High School team that got 2nd in State.  I played on a successful club team throughout high school. I also played 4 years at Millikin University as the starting setter...I won many awards and was even named a Division III All-American my senior year.  I coached one year at SHS and took the team to State (even after being told we would not win half of our games!) and was named Herald & Review Coach of the Year. I coached at Lake Land College one year before I got pregnant with Bart!  And I have also coached a club team and helped with various teams over the years. But none of the awards matter to me and I rarely tell anyone that information...what matters to me are the fun times I had with my teammates and the relationships I formed both with players and coaches!  What matters to me are the letters I have gotten from old coaches, old teammates or players I coached. When I get letters from players I coached telling me that they learned so much from...more than just volleyball, I always cry!  That is what it is all about!

Also, my three children are fairly athletic, they enjoy sports (sometimes) and if they want to play that is great with me but I don't care what sports they choose...I just want them to be active, work hard, enjoy it and have fun!  Yes, they have had some negative experiences along the way in our youth programs but those are not the reasons for my concern.  My concern is more general and for those kids that can not speak up for themselves or who have parents who won't or can't for fear of how they will be treated, for fear of their jobs (yes, their jobs!) and out of fear that their children will be treated even worse.  And trust me, I have spoke up before about these issues...I understand their concern all to well!  People who encourage elitism in sports DO NOT like to be called out and don't like others to point out what is really going on!

So, back to winning...I am all for it!  Like I said yesterday, I am very competitive...I love a close, competitive game...but there is a time and place for it...and youth sports is not that place!!! Once children get into school sports, especially high school, I am OK with playing to win...not at any cost, but working together to win through good work ethic, hustle, practice, teamwork, setting goals, etc!

I believe the teams I played on and coached were successful for the following reasons:

• GOOD WORK ETHIC...practicing hard..giving 100% at all times
• believing we would win every time we walked in the gym...confident, not arrogant
• wanting success for and encouraging our teammates
• Playing TOGETHER as a TEAM!
• NO concern for who got the credit...no concern about stats! ( I hate stats!)
• WE HAD FUN!!!
• We discussed character and being good people and good teammates, not just good players
• Coaches who demanded RESPECT and hard work!
• Parents who wanted success for ALL players
• Parents who supported the coaches
• Parents who didn't blame others for losses or take all credit for wins
• Parents that encouraged and supported the TEAM and didn't see their child as deserving special treatment
• Coaches who cared and wanted us all to do well
• NEVER had a coach who was a parent of a child on the team!!!  BINGO!!
• Players that LOVED the game and WANTED to be there...were not forced by parents!
• We were not players...WE WERE PLAYERS!!! (insert fist pumps!)  We played HARD!
• Had no sense of entitlement just because we were good!
• Set goals and did NOT give up on them!
• Had the support of the school and community!!!  Critical point!
• Players who worked to improve themselves...we wanted it!  Not our parents...we did!

So, there ya go...more to think about!  I am still reading and finding out more and more interesting information!  I think tomorrow's blog will be interesting!  I will have some links to some articles that will make you think!

I feel like I rambled today...what's new, right?
 I LOVE the feedback...even if you DON'T agree!  Keep it coming!  Discussion and sharing views is what starts change!!!  Posting without a final read through...yikes...ignore the mistakes!

Youth Sports...let's be honest

Well, here it is...the blog where I start stating my opinion...and most likely ticking people off. My intention isn't to make someone mad...or to single any one person out. My intention it to get EVERYONE to THINK...to use your BRAIN and CONSIDER what we are supporting and encouraging in our youth. My intention is to make you FEEL...to use your HEART and CONSIDER other peoples feelings. Then use both your mind and your heart to take a long look at what we have been "teaching" the children in our community and what society has been teaching to youth all over this country. Before I get started, I want to state that I realize there are far more important things in life to worry about like education, health, poverty, cancer...the list goes on. But lately, youth sports (and when I say "youth", I am referring to age 13 and under) has been on my mind and I have being doing a lot of thinking, a lot of discussing, and a lot of research about the effects of youth sports on children, looking at the positives and negatives and looking at what could be done differently to make it better for everyone involved. Much of what I am going to share with you, is NOT just my opinion, but the opinion of educators, researchers, & sport psychologists. I am NOT perfect and definitely NOT a perfect parent! I have made many mistakes in my life...many mistakes as a coach...and many more mistakes as a parent. I can't change that and I can't deny it...but I can work to do better in the future! I can educate myself, I can learn from my mistakes and the mistakes of others, and I can pray and ask God to help me see where I am doing wrong or witnessing wrong-doing and to stand up and do what is right!
I want to say that I LOVE sports! I love to play almost anything! I love to watch almost any sport! I appreciate athletic ability and I really value amazing work ethic and teamwork! I love that when I played volleyball, I made some lasting friendships, not only with teammates but with my coaches. I have some wonderful memories that I will always hold dear to my heart! I learned so much from my coaches, not just about volleyball, but about working to reach my goals, being a team player, and about being a better person off of the court. I had teammates who wanted the best for each other and who realized that in order to be a great team, we all had to do our best, accept our role, work together and that when we did those things, it would be FUN and we would BE SUCCESSFUL!! Overall, being involved in sports was a very positive experience for me! I think that is why I really struggle with our youth sports programs today! The positive aspects of sports seem to be slipping away...quickly!

Just like the show "Toddlers & Tiara's", I could see a show titled "Boys & Balls"...the parents on "Toddlers & Tiaras" are exactly like the many desperate parents involved in youth sports today! That may sound funny...but if you stop and think, it is TRUE, sad but true!! It is the same thing!!

Since my oldest son, Bart, who is now almost 14, started playing soccer and t-ball 10 years ago, I have been confused, concerned, down right aggravated and overall completely disappointed in how the youth programs are handled in our community. Flag football is the ONLY program where each child was treated as equal and important. Every child was taught the same things, worked with all of the coaches, and were given chances to play different positions. When teams were divided up to play games, they were divided up as fairly as possible and the teams didn't stay the same. Certain children were not made out to be "the stars" or viewed as more important than the others! It seemed to be a great experience for all involved...learned some basics, played the game and had FUN!

My concern with most youth sports programs is that we are teaching the following to the kids:

-to win at all costs...even if that means cheating, lying, excluding, stacking teams, hurting others.

-you are only valuable if you are the best

-if you lack athletic ability, then you lack worth.

-if your team wins, then you are better than others and deserve special treatment

-if your dad is in charge of the league then you are guaranteed to get the best team and play the best positions, with all your friends. (found a article about exactly that...sounds very familiar!!!)
-that when you get the best players on your team you really don't have to work hard...you just show up and automatically win because that is how it the league has been set up. So, a strong work ethic is never developed but a since of entitlement is!

-that we are discouraging kids from continuing to play because they lose every game, feel like failures, and see that only "the stars" or certain kids are really important...due to how adults set up the teams and handle the leagues. Which in turn leads to low numbers in school sports because kids have already quit and decided they do not like sports BEFORE they get to 7th grade!

-that everyone is your competition and that you shouldn't want them to succeed, otherwise, you might not be the best. Which leads to LACK of TEAMWORK once they get to school sports because they see their teammates as competition...as someone standing in their way of being the best. I actually believe I have witnessed kids play who would rather lose a game, than see their teammates be successful. How sad is that??

-because that being the best is ALL that matters. NOT your effort, your hustle, your attitude, your improvement...

- that playing sports is NOT about having fun, NOT about working together as a team, NOT about encouraging one another, NOT about improving and mastering skills, NOT about enjoying good competition...it is only about WINNING at ANY COST, making yourself look good and degrading anyone that might be better than you or not as talented as you!!

-that if you lose you are a failure...and that your less valuable. I see many parents that seem to feel their own self-worth is determined by their child's athletic performance. Talk about pressure on a child! Makes me feel badly for them! ( I've been guilty of this, when Bart was young, but I learned quickly! Thankfully!)

Is that really what we want to teach our children? Not me!!! So, I feel like I spend extra time at home trying to reteach them and discuss what is really important and how to be a good teammate and have good sportsmanship! I will admit that I am very competitive. I believe that if you are going to play...you PLAY and you HUSTLE! You always give 100% and never settle for less than YOUR best! But I would rather play a great competitive game, against a great team and lose, than play a bad team and win easily...what fun is that? Playing on equal teams, when you don't know before hand who is going to win, is much more fun, exciting, and much of a learning experience for all! And making it a fun, exciting, learning, growing experience is what it is all about! That's why we love playoffs and big games...watching great competition is fun!

I was listening to a podcast through the Positive Coaching Alliance and the discussion was questioning if youth sports really build character...that is a very debatable question. I believe that sports mainly reveal character...and may shape character in a positive or negative way. It all depends on the coach and the culture of the programs. If children play in programs that encourage the values listed above, positive character is not going to be developed. Children coming out of these programs will likely have bad attitudes, a since of entitlement, lack of respect, lack of teamwork and a poor work ethic. Exactly opposite of what most people hope are the character building benefits of being involved in sports.


"It is amazing how much you can accomplish when it doesn't matter who gets the credit."

This brings me to another issue that I have been reading about...Elitism in youth sports. What is that exactly? Well, let me just share with you some points from a man named Scott Lancaster....
Here is a link directly to the article...


He states that elitism in youth sports/travel teams cause the following...

- not providing proper Athletic/Skill development

- unfairly and prematurely judging their ability and potential

- taking away valuable time on town fields & facilities for a handful of chosen ones

– ultimately destroying your town’s future success at the high school level.

Lancaster says that PARENTS are the main cause of the problem...

We have allowed a universe of parents to ruin sports for kids. A universe that most likely experienced little or no athletic success themselves. A selfish universe that doesn’t care about other kids in their community, and feel their children are entitled to play on elite teams over others. This group of ignorant souls are relieved when their child’s competition is whittled away and told there not good enough to make a team before they’ve reached puberty. Everyone, this is the harsh reality of today’s youth sports experience.

Unfortunately the trend is getting worse rather than better. When parents do ask why there is only “one travel team per town per age group” and why there cannot be “multiple travel teams of the same age from the same town equally divided talent wise” they’re denied. Their reason, “we need to be competitive when we play other towns”. In other words, it’s more important to win a 9 year old travel team game than it is to unselfishly develop many more athletes with a passion to play.

If you’re a high school coach with any sense of athletic and program development experience you would put a stop to segregating kids before the age of 14, and allow all kids the opportunity to develop equally. Let’s face the true reality, the kids you see on Select /Travel Teams now will most likely not be starring or playing in high school. Ultimately Travel/Select Teams build false hope among entitled parents at the expense of destroying many other kids hopes to play with their friends and develop athletically.

If you’re a town administrator or athletic director, it should be your responsibility to put a stop to elitism in sports. The results would be the opportunity to keep more kids involved and active therefore cutting down on the many bad things that happen when active options are taken away from kids.

If you’re a parent of a child on a travel/select team you’ll selfishly glance right past this issue, but if your a parent that has young children not yet involved in organized sports, this is your opportunity to fix it now, and demand change. If THAT ARTICLE DOESN'T MAKE YOU STOP AND THINK...NOTHING WILL!!!!

As mature, educated adults, especially those of us who call ourselves Christians, we should to want to provide positive experiences for EACH child who wants to play youth sports!

to be continued....I will be writing about and sharing more information on the topic of youth sports all week...and anytime I find interesting information! Hopefully, finding alternatives, answers and suggestions for improving the win at all costs, elitism culture of youth sports!

And last but not least, I do have the best of intentions and I want what is best for all kids, so if you don't like what I have to say or the information I share, you don't have to read my blog and you don't have to click on the links! If any of the comments or information offend you, maybe you should ask yourself why? None of this should upset you, if you have truly had no part in cultivating the culture of elitism in youth sports!

Coach Dean Smith to Michael Jordan in his freshman year at UNC"
Michael, if you can't pass, you can't play."