I want to say that I LOVE sports! I love to play almost anything! I love to watch almost any sport! I appreciate athletic ability and I really value amazing work ethic and teamwork! I love that when I played volleyball, I made some lasting friendships, not only with teammates but with my coaches. I have some wonderful memories that I will always hold dear to my heart! I learned so much from my coaches, not just about volleyball, but about working to reach my goals, being a team player, and about being a better person off of the court. I had teammates who wanted the best for each other and who realized that in order to be a great team, we all had to do our best, accept our role, work together and that when we did those things, it would be FUN and we would BE SUCCESSFUL!! Overall, being involved in sports was a very positive experience for me! I think that is why I really struggle with our youth sports programs today! The positive aspects of sports seem to be slipping away...quickly!
Just like the show "Toddlers & Tiara's", I could see a show titled "Boys & Balls"...the parents on "Toddlers & Tiaras" are exactly like the many desperate parents involved in youth sports today! That may sound funny...but if you stop and think, it is TRUE, sad but true!! It is the same thing!!
Since my oldest son, Bart, who is now almost 14, started playing soccer and t-ball 10 years ago, I have been confused, concerned, down right aggravated and overall completely disappointed in how the youth programs are handled in our community. Flag football is the ONLY program where each child was treated as equal and important. Every child was taught the same things, worked with all of the coaches, and were given chances to play different positions. When teams were divided up to play games, they were divided up as fairly as possible and the teams didn't stay the same. Certain children were not made out to be "the stars" or viewed as more important than the others! It seemed to be a great experience for all involved...learned some basics, played the game and had FUN!
My concern with most youth sports programs is that we are teaching the following to the kids:
-to win at all costs...even if that means cheating, lying, excluding, stacking teams, hurting others.
-you are only valuable if you are the best
-if you lack athletic ability, then you lack worth.
-if your team wins, then you are better than others and deserve special treatment
-if your dad is in charge of the league then you are guaranteed to get the best team and play the best positions, with all your friends. (found a article about exactly that...sounds very familiar!!!)
-that when you get the best players on your team you really don't have to work hard...you just show up and automatically win because that is how it the league has been set up. So, a strong work ethic is never developed but a since of entitlement is!
-that we are discouraging kids from continuing to play because they lose every game, feel like failures, and see that only "the stars" or certain kids are really important...due to how adults set up the teams and handle the leagues. Which in turn leads to low numbers in school sports because kids have already quit and decided they do not like sports BEFORE they get to 7th grade!
-that everyone is your competition and that you shouldn't want them to succeed, otherwise, you might not be the best. Which leads to LACK of TEAMWORK once they get to school sports because they see their teammates as competition...as someone standing in their way of being the best. I actually believe I have witnessed kids play who would rather lose a game, than see their teammates be successful. How sad is that??
-because that being the best is ALL that matters. NOT your effort, your hustle, your attitude, your improvement...
- that playing sports is NOT about having fun, NOT about working together as a team, NOT about encouraging one another, NOT about improving and mastering skills, NOT about enjoying good competition...it is only about WINNING at ANY COST, making yourself look good and degrading anyone that might be better than you or not as talented as you!!
-that if you lose you are a failure...and that your less valuable. I see many parents that seem to feel their own self-worth is determined by their child's athletic performance. Talk about pressure on a child! Makes me feel badly for them! ( I've been guilty of this, when Bart was young, but I learned quickly! Thankfully!)
Is that really what we want to teach our children? Not me!!! So, I feel like I spend extra time at home trying to reteach them and discuss what is really important and how to be a good teammate and have good sportsmanship! I will admit that I am very competitive. I believe that if you are going to play...you PLAY and you HUSTLE! You always give 100% and never settle for less than YOUR best! But I would rather play a great competitive game, against a great team and lose, than play a bad team and win easily...what fun is that? Playing on equal teams, when you don't know before hand who is going to win, is much more fun, exciting, and much of a learning experience for all! And making it a fun, exciting, learning, growing experience is what it is all about! That's why we love playoffs and big games...watching great competition is fun!
I was listening to a podcast through the Positive Coaching Alliance and the discussion was questioning if youth sports really build character...that is a very debatable question. I believe that sports mainly reveal character...and may shape character in a positive or negative way. It all depends on the coach and the culture of the programs. If children play in programs that encourage the values listed above, positive character is not going to be developed. Children coming out of these programs will likely have bad attitudes, a since of entitlement, lack of respect, lack of teamwork and a poor work ethic. Exactly opposite of what most people hope are the character building benefits of being involved in sports.
"It is amazing how much you can accomplish when it doesn't matter who gets the credit."
This brings me to another issue that I have been reading about...Elitism in youth sports. What is that exactly? Well, let me just share with you some points from a man named Scott Lancaster....
Here is a link directly to the article...
He states that elitism in youth sports/travel teams cause the following...
- not providing proper Athletic/Skill development
- unfairly and prematurely judging their ability and potential
- taking away valuable time on town fields & facilities for a handful of chosen ones
– ultimately destroying your town’s future success at the high school level.
We have allowed a universe of parents to ruin sports for kids. A universe that most likely experienced little or no athletic success themselves. A selfish universe that doesn’t care about other kids in their community, and feel their children are entitled to play on elite teams over others. This group of ignorant souls are relieved when their child’s competition is whittled away and told there not good enough to make a team before they’ve reached puberty. Everyone, this is the harsh reality of today’s youth sports experience.
Unfortunately the trend is getting worse rather than better. When parents do ask why there is only “one travel team per town per age group” and why there cannot be “multiple travel teams of the same age from the same town equally divided talent wise” they’re denied. Their reason, “we need to be competitive when we play other towns”. In other words, it’s more important to win a 9 year old travel team game than it is to unselfishly develop many more athletes with a passion to play.
If you’re a high school coach with any sense of athletic and program development experience you would put a stop to segregating kids before the age of 14, and allow all kids the opportunity to develop equally. Let’s face the true reality, the kids you see on Select /Travel Teams now will most likely not be starring or playing in high school. Ultimately Travel/Select Teams build false hope among entitled parents at the expense of destroying many other kids hopes to play with their friends and develop athletically.
If you’re a town administrator or athletic director, it should be your responsibility to put a stop to elitism in sports. The results would be the opportunity to keep more kids involved and active therefore cutting down on the many bad things that happen when active options are taken away from kids.
If you’re a parent of a child on a travel/select team you’ll selfishly glance right past this issue, but if your a parent that has young children not yet involved in organized sports, this is your opportunity to fix it now, and demand change. If THAT ARTICLE DOESN'T MAKE YOU STOP AND THINK...NOTHING WILL!!!!
As mature, educated adults, especially those of us who call ourselves Christians, we should to want to provide positive experiences for EACH child who wants to play youth sports!
to be continued....I will be writing about and sharing more information on the topic of youth sports all week...and anytime I find interesting information! Hopefully, finding alternatives, answers and suggestions for improving the win at all costs, elitism culture of youth sports!
And last but not least, I do have the best of intentions and I want what is best for all kids, so if you don't like what I have to say or the information I share, you don't have to read my blog and you don't have to click on the links! If any of the comments or information offend you, maybe you should ask yourself why? None of this should upset you, if you have truly had no part in cultivating the culture of elitism in youth sports!
Coach Dean Smith to Michael Jordan in his freshman year at UNC"
Michael, if you can't pass, you can't play."
11 comments:
I'm thinking that you need to market yourself as a motivational speaker and write books! Excellent article. so proud of the woman you have become.
Amber,
This is an issue I am glad that someone had the nerve to post... These are concerns that I know I have felt for years but never, ever brave enough to voice publicly, other than to friends and family. Only because I knew my opinion would not count... Maybe with others this can be turned around..... Another thing that bothers me is that certain children will actually tell other team players that they are the best on the team, even to their friends that play the same sport... What an ego that child must have to assume they are the best.. Others may not be given the chance to prove they have the athletic ability as well... Again, a lot of that stems from getting the best positions because they have fathers that get involved... My motto is I hope my child plays based on ability, not on daddy coaching... That is the major reason why my husband would not coach... This does cause a lot of gossip with adults and feelings of failure to the child not getting the chance to play...
This is so well written and spot on that it should also be a letter to the editor in a few newspapers. That would get a larger readership and hit home with a few more people. You are doing great at writing and your readers are very proud of you. Keep it up!
Very well said amber. I have grandchildren who aren't picked for traveling team and who know and play the game well and honestly, but because of their family life, single parent, low income, etc, are looked over. And like Tonya stated, the kids picked think they are better and don't hesitate to tell the other kids. I think sometimes that parents shouldn't be allowed to coach so it gives all the kids an equal opportunity to play, but those coaches aren't out there to be had. It takes lots of time and focus on our youth to have a team and those without children in the sport are not interested in becoming involved that deeply. Keep up the good work on the blogs. Enjoying them tremendously!!
Well, not sure about that! When I speak in fornt of people about something important to me, all I do is cry! But thanks for the kind words!
Thanks Tonya! I always appreciate what you have to say! And thanks for being "brave" enough to post a response!!!
Thanks Susan!!!
Thanks for all of the e-mails, messages, texts and replies about this blog! I appreicate all of the kind words and support! I love to hear what all of you are thinking!
Mrs. Kennell,
Very interesting article on youth programs. My experience over the years, is that the coaches involved in the programs do it to have time with their children and to teach them some of the skills necessary to play the game and to play it at a higher level than the average player obtains. They are willing to teach other children knowing that it is necessary to form teams so that their children can learn the skills and put them into practice through games.Boys are informed at an early age that you are judged on your performance and part of a good performance is winning. A good example of this approach will be played this weekend. The winner will be praised for a complete year, the other side as second class individuals not worthy of any praise, even if they perform at a high level and played a good game.
You stated that many parents experience their youth again in their childrens sports and activities, which is correct. Most fathers want their sons to be better or achieve more than they did, so that drives them to push their children to succeed at what ever cost.
Society has allowed this to occur because we like winners and if we cant be a winner, we want to experience it through others, a team or individual.
How do we go about changing our approach? I believe you can start by explaining to youth the importance of exercise, in four areas. Spiritually,mentally,emotionally, and physically. To have children advance into good citizens we must stress all areas. Study our society and you find that our adults have not obtained this level. It takes to much effort for most, so we become quitters on life. We pass it from one generation to the next.
Sports for men, is an area that they can say, I am a success because I was on a championship team, coached that team, or I supported that team, thus success!!!!
Makes you feel good for a period of time, but is short lived.
Finally, I am not sure that you will change the approach we take to sports until we have adults that reach the level of success in the areas I suggested.
When we do, every one will become winners and we will truly live as we should.
Mrs. Kennell,
I would like to add one more illustration to my earlier comments. In early January of this year, President Obama welcomed the Dallas Mavericks to the white house to recognize them as the NBA champions. He was given a team jersey and told them how proud he was of the team and their success. I did not observe the second place team at that meeting. If winning is celebrated by the president and at the hightest office in our country, how hard it it going to be to change the example in your own home town.
Looking forward to your response!
I have no problem with celebrating winning...winning normally comes from a good work ethic, teamwork, practice, commitment, drive, talent, & perseverance. The exact things that I think youth sports should be teaching our children. I think great teams and examples of effort and teamwork should be celebrated...not worshiped, but acknowledged.
If in our community we do not build up all children and give all of them equal opportuniutes, regardless of name & social status, we are not only hurting them, we are hurting the future of our school sports programs! How much better is a basketball team when they have 10 or 12 great players, instead of only 3 or 5? If you don't have strong practices and players pushing your starters to work to keep thier spots, you team suffers. A perfect example of that is our state championship team...they had a "deep bench"...they had key players coming in off the bench...they had developed the majority of the team, not just the few chosen ones!
If we went successful, winning sports programs in our community, we MUST get past the selfishness and the desire of our children to be "the best"! Our children will celebrate success and winning when they learn to be unselfish, want the best for their teammamtes, develop a strong work ethic, learn to encourage others, learn to be a good teammate and have fun playing! In my opinion, winning is not a negative thing...the desire and desperation to win at any cost and hurting people ti enure your child is the best is negative!
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