Reminds me of the saying, "Actions speak louder than words!" And makes me think of our Little League. We can say that we have a "draft" in Little League to make the teams "fair"...but it always ends up that certain teams are "stacked"? I do not for one second believe it "just happens"...it is planned...and little "rules" are adjusted each year so that certain coaches can get certain kids and certain men can coach together. It has never been about teaching all of the boys the fundamentals of baseball or working together to make it a positive experience for all involved. It has never been about trying to divide up the pitchers and players so that each team has one or two kids that can pitch and at least throw the ball over the plate...so that there is actually game play during the games! It has been about getting certain "special" kids together on one team so that they can "win"! Just typing that sounds crazy, and hard to believe...but it happens!
I guess, I can't say never! Last year in the minor league, I know that the coaches actually made an effort to split up the pitchers and helped to separate the teams evenly! We actually didn't know who was going to win the games before they even started! It was really fun to watch! And the kids cheered each other on! It was a great experience!
So, what about WINNING???
Is winning a bad thing? Is wanting to win a bad thing?
My answer to that is NO!!! Winning, or the desire to win, is NOT a bad thing!
What is bad about Winning?...as related to youth sports (13/14 & under)...
- being desperate to win
- winning at all costs mentality
- when winning or losing determines self-worth
- when winning is valued MORE than effort, sportsmanship, teamwork, or doing what is right
- when winning is the ONLY focus and determines if a game was a success...a team could play their best game ever and still lose...so is the entire game considered a failure?
- when youth are not given opportunities because of fear the team might lose if they play
- when kids are told they are "bad" or made to feel like failures for not winning a game
An anonymous reader commented and asked this...
In early January of this year, President Obama welcomed the Dallas Mavericks to the white house to recognize them as the NBA champions. He was given a team jersey and told them how proud he was of the team and their success. I did not observe the second place team at that meeting. If winning is celebrated by the president and at the highest office in our country, how hard it it going to be to change the example in your own home town.
Looking forward to your response!
Here is my response...
I have no problem with celebrating winning...winning normally comes from a good work ethic, teamwork, practice, commitment, drive, talent, & perseverance. The exact things that I think youth sports should be teaching our children. I think great teams and examples of effort and teamwork should be celebrated...not worshiped, but acknowledged.
If, in our community we do not build up all children and give all of them equal opportunities, regardless of name & social status, we are not only hurting them, we are hurting the future of our school sports programs! How much better is a basketball team when they have 10 or 12 great players, instead of only 3 or 5? If you don't have strong practices and players pushing your starters to work to keep their spots, your team suffers. A perfect example of that is our state championship basketball team...they had a "deep bench"...they had key players coming in off the bench...they had developed the majority of the team, not just the few chosen ones!
If we want successful, winning sports programs in our community, we MUST get past the selfishness and the desire of our children to be "the best"! Our children will celebrate success and winning when they learn to be unselfish, want the best for their teammates, develop a strong work ethic, learn to encourage others, learn to be a good teammate and have fun playing! In my opinion, winning is not a negative thing...the desire and desperation to win at any cost and hurting people to ensure your child is the best is negative!
For those readers who may not know me, I have been told by a reader that I need to tell a little about myself and my sports background...as to let people know I am not just a disgruntled parent that wants my kids to be something I wasn't or a mom that has children who are not athletic at all, that have been mistreated and not allowed to play. Neither of those is the case. I played volleyball and was a setter on a Shelbyville High School team that got 2nd in State. I played on a successful club team throughout high school. I also played 4 years at Millikin University as the starting setter...I won many awards and was even named a Division III All-American my senior year. I coached one year at SHS and took the team to State (even after being told we would not win half of our games!) and was named Herald & Review Coach of the Year. I coached at Lake Land College one year before I got pregnant with Bart! And I have also coached a club team and helped with various teams over the years. But none of the awards matter to me and I rarely tell anyone that information...what matters to me are the fun times I had with my teammates and the relationships I formed both with players and coaches! What matters to me are the letters I have gotten from old coaches, old teammates or players I coached. When I get letters from players I coached telling me that they learned so much from...more than just volleyball, I always cry! That is what it is all about!
Also, my three children are fairly athletic, they enjoy sports (sometimes) and if they want to play that is great with me but I don't care what sports they choose...I just want them to be active, work hard, enjoy it and have fun! Yes, they have had some negative experiences along the way in our youth programs but those are not the reasons for my concern. My concern is more general and for those kids that can not speak up for themselves or who have parents who won't or can't for fear of how they will be treated, for fear of their jobs (yes, their jobs!) and out of fear that their children will be treated even worse. And trust me, I have spoke up before about these issues...I understand their concern all to well! People who encourage elitism in sports DO NOT like to be called out and don't like others to point out what is really going on!
So, back to winning...I am all for it! Like I said yesterday, I am very competitive...I love a close, competitive game...but there is a time and place for it...and youth sports is not that place!!! Once children get into school sports, especially high school, I am OK with playing to win...not at any cost, but working together to win through good work ethic, hustle, practice, teamwork, setting goals, etc!
I believe the teams I played on and coached were successful for the following reasons:
- GOOD WORK ETHIC...practicing hard..giving 100% at all times
- believing we would win every time we walked in the gym...confident, not arrogant
- wanting success for and encouraging our teammates
- Playing TOGETHER as a TEAM!
- NO concern for who got the credit...no concern about stats! ( I hate stats!)
- WE HAD FUN!!!
- We discussed character and being good people and good teammates, not just good players
- Coaches who demanded RESPECT and hard work!
- Parents who wanted success for ALL players
- Parents who supported the coaches
- Parents who didn't blame others for losses or take all credit for wins
- Parents that encouraged and supported the TEAM and didn't see their child as deserving special treatment
- Coaches who cared and wanted us all to do well
- NEVER had a coach who was a parent of a child on the team!!! BINGO!!
- Players that LOVED the game and WANTED to be there...were not forced by parents!
- We were not players...WE WERE PLAYERS!!! (insert fist pumps!) We played HARD!
- Had no sense of entitlement just because we were good!
- Set goals and did NOT give up on them!
- Had the support of the school and community!!! Critical point!
- Players who worked to improve themselves...we wanted it! Not our parents...we did!
So, there ya go...more to think about! I am still reading and finding out more and more interesting information! I think tomorrow's blog will be interesting! I will have some links to some articles that will make you think!
I feel like I rambled today...what's new, right?
I LOVE the feedback...even if you DON'T agree! Keep it coming! Discussion and sharing views is what starts change!!! Posting without a final read through...yikes...ignore the mistakes!
2 comments:
OHHHH, Amber, I love, love, love your blog!!! It is so genuine and contains sooo much common sense. I too have seen first-hand how the "draft" works. In theory it is a good idea but it falls apart in the way it is carried out. I know when my husband coached he looked at the "overlooked" kids and was able to form a competitive team...we actually won some games and surprised some other teams:) Although, as a coach, he also dealt with parents who could not understand why their child was not starting pitcher, catcher, etc. and when I would ask him he would tell me that the kid didn't show any interest in that position. Not only would he watch for their abilities but he would ask what they were interested in doing.
My kids both LOVED soccer. Somehow the teams were separated more evenly for the most part.
I too don't have the answers. Wish it was simple...but then again if it was it wouldn't be a problem I guess:)
I know the sport that my daughter participates in is based solely on her and her horse's ability and whether or not they comnpleted their pattern the best, better than others. Some days they do better than others and the judges don't agree but as long as she feels good about what she did that's what matters. And it is amazing at the friendships and the support and encouragement they give each other and the way they cheer each other on even though they are still competing against each other. Everyone is out there to do their best and improve their skills.
Sports truly can be an enjoyable experience for our youth when everyone agrees that learning new skills and building friendships are more important than winning at all costs.
Love this! One of my biggest pet peeves with coaches is watching the clock until there is a minute left in the game and then putting in the "bad" kids. I have always thought that was a slap in the face to those kids who go to practice everyday. That they are only worth a minute or less. I think that is why so many don't keep trying. Keep writing amber! Love your passion!
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