 |
| Teamwork, encouragement, and FUN! |
Some people are probably wondering why I am concerned when one of boys is 13 and done with youth sports and my other is almost there! I do have a daughter who is 8 and I do want positive athletic experiences for her. But, to answer that, this is NOT about my children!!! I am hoping that the next group of parents that take over the youth programs will consider the impact their actions have on everyone involved and do some things differently! I also would really like to see our school athletic program improve and be a positive aspect of our community.
 |
| These boys know what it's all about... FUN!!! |
 |
| This past season, the minor league teams really learned what life and encouraging others is all about! |
One thing I have read about is the approach, our motivation or "orientation" to sports. Researchers discuss two main approaches to athletics, Task Orientation vs Ego Orientation. Sports psychologists explain that an athlete's motivation for action typically influences the outcome!
Task-oriented athletes focus on self-improvement, mastery of skills, and obtaining goals. They compete with themselves. Success for these individuals is based on their performance, improvement, reaching goals and the teams performance as a whole. These athletes tend have more of a positive attitude, are good teammates, and end up being SUCCESSFUL!
Ego-oriented athletes are focused solely on outcome and compete with others (teammates included) instead of themselves. Success is determined by being "the best" and defeating the competition. These athletes and coaches are often selfish, not team players, and have negative attitudes...which ultimately leads to being UNSUCCESSFUL!
Researchers indicated that task-oriented athletes have higher rates of success, are better at regulating themselves, are more stable, have more positive outlooks and less negative self talk than ego oriented athletes. Task-Oriented athletes also tend to be more consistent and more hard-working.
 |
| How can we, as adult,s look at any child and view them as more worthy than the next? |
Here is a link to The Task and Ego Orientation in Sports Questionnaire. I find this all very interesting. The way we handle the majority of our youth sports programs is through ego orientation. It is no wonder so many young athletes are selfish, focused on winning, feel like failures and cry when they do not win a game...even when they have played well! They are often being coached by men that work through ego-orientation! Many parents I watch also seem to encourage ego orientation by acting like losing a game is the end of the world! By starting out children in sports so young, they are going to compete in numerous events. They are going to lose...that is part of competition. When parents focus solely on winning and being the best, the children are being set up for failure! And honestly, most of these young children under the age of 12 are NOT emotionally ready to handle the stress and demands the ego orientation approach places on them!
 |
| The right coach, with the right approach, makes all the difference! |
So, how do we change it? How as parents of these athletes, can we help to change the culture and attitudes? There is a lot of information out there about parenting athletes. I encourage you to do your own research and see what you find! I will share with you some of what I found.
One article suggests to leave your expectations at home! That kids will perform better in competition when they have no fear of failure and just play for the sake of playing! Let them know you will not be judging their performance and that neither should they!
It also suggests to encourage intrinsic motivation. I have always believed this is KEY to any athletes success! Encourage your children to play for the fun of it, for how it makes them FEEL, because it brings them joy...not for extrinsic rewards like ribbons, trophies or bragging rights! Athletes with intrinsic motivation, who play because they have a passion for the game are far more successful! In my opinion, children who play because it is the "cool" thing to do, because their parents want them to, or for any other extrinsic reason will not experience success in the long run! I have always believed that athletes either "have it or they don't"...you can't really "teach" intrinsic motivation, you can encourage it, but some people just have that drive...just have "it"...that thing you can't really describe but you know when you see an athlete who's "got it"!
It also encourages parents to make sure their children are having fun! And to be a good role model!
 |
| Determination! |
Another article by Scott Lancaster, discusses the need for parents to leave their emotions at home! I have to give credit to my husband at this point! He is great at doing this and has been encouraging me to do the same for many years! I have been much better these last few years! And let me tell you, it is MUCH more fun and enjoyable to attend these youth games, when you take the emotions out and enjoy the improvements, the funny things they do, the little successes that you witness and just let them play and have fun!
Lancaster states that "over 75% of all kids quit sports by the age of 12, with many leaving and never pursuing an active lifestyle again." He goes on to say, "unfortunately youth sports places your child in an experience that replicates the world of adult sports well before they’re ready to perform at such a level. With this comes an over emphasis, if not a single focus, on winning. This now exposes everyone to the politics of who plays, where they play, how much they play, all for the sake of winning a meaningless game or league. Not to mention the bad behavior displayed by parents in the stands or coaches on the sidelines.
 |
| Girls and sports...need to discuss that soon! |
The article is so good, I just want to share the rest of it...
When I witness poor parental or coaching behavior during a youth competition it is often emotionally charged. There is nothing wrong with a parent’s eagerness to want to see their child perform well, and coaches that want their teams to do the same. But what they allow to get in their way are their emotions. They make it a “need” that their child perform well, which becomes a stressful experience for everyone involved. We’ve all witnessed the parents that cheer for every mistake the opposing team makes, going crazy after every score, the yelling at officials when calls are close or go the wrong way, all these emotions are based on the wrong aspects of youth sports.
If you take the emotion away as a parent or a coach you can take a different perspective that allows you to observe and actually better enjoy the experience. Many emotions in sports are based on a final result (winning a game, or your child getting a hit, scoring a goal or touchdown). When you alleviate the importance of a final result you can actually appreciate all the other elements of competition, by enjoying the entire experience. For example, witnessing your child’s improvement dribbling a ball, getting into a better stance, making better contact, etc. Those are the moments that you should note and take away to reinforce with your child after a game.
A coach that gets overly emotional in either a negative or positive fashion loses perspective as well. By keeping an even keel approach, where you stay in the moment and don’t allow the emotions of a blown officials call or an error made by your team distract you, you’ll have the benefit of better observing all aspects of the game and making clear headed decisions. John Wooden, the all-time winningest basketball coach of all time would sit and observe games, never getting too excited in a negative or positive fashion. He was there to observe and learn, if he had allowed himself to get carried away in the emotion of a game he would have lost perspective and would’ve not taken half of what he took away from each game and then brought to his team at practice.
His answer to these problems:
"TAKE THE EMOTION OUT OF IT!!"
 |
| All about fun...and enjoying the little things! |
I also got some advice from Coach Kern, who I love and respect, and here are her suggestions to the parents of her players...I LOVE this! ( Hope you don't mind me sharing, Coach!)
THINGS A PARENT SHOULD SAY TO THEIR ATHLETE BEFORE A MATCH---
1. Go give it your all
2. Keep a great attitude
3. I love YOU
3 THINGS A PARENTS SHOULD SAY TO THEIR ATHLETE AFTER A MATCH--
1. I really enjoyed watching you play
2. What do you want to eat?
3. I love YOU
How awesome and SIMPLE is that???!!!
Honestly, I think what I am learning and what I think I have realized over the last several years, is...
* There is more to life than sports!!!
*Either your child "has it" or doesn't..."wants it" or doesn't....no amount of force, begging, bribing, coaching, practicing, or yelling can put a DESIRE to work hard, improve and and be successful! I think an individual is made that way...yes, it can be there and be undeveloped...but as parents, we can't force something to be there that isn't there!
*ASK your child what they WANT!!! It is their life! Would you want someone FORCING you to do something you don't enjoy...while putting pressure on your to preform and be the best? I think many kids are afraid to say what they really feel and want because they do not want to disappoint! So, talk to your children about what they ENJOY doing and about their plans for their future!
*And last but not least...LOVE, APPRECIATE, RESPECT, and ENCOURAGE not only your child, but ALL children!!! Remember, athletic ability DOES NOT determine the worth of a human being!
So, let's all work to be better role models for these young people...let's consider their feelings...and let's put sports in perspective in our community and make things better for everyone! So many POSITIVES, so much FUN and so much SUCCESS could happen right here in our town if we valued good work ethic, positive character, teamwork, good attitudes and if we VALUED EACH AND EVERY CHILD and THEIR UNIQUE ABILITIES!
 |
| Have always loved this! Learning respect...priceless! |
3 comments:
I agree with a lot of the points made Amber. However, I don't think that this is unique to Shelbyville. I think this is a trend in youth sports in most places.
Also, not every parent/adult in youth sports is a bad role model. Many give of their time and experience with the honest intention of having a good time and teaching them game skills and teamwork. Just like everything else, a few bad apples can spoil the whole bunch!
Oh, I completely agree that this is not unique to Shelbyville, if that was the case, I would not have been able to find some much information on the topic!
I also agree that there are MANY coaches and parents that donate their time for the "right reasons" and do a great job teaching our children not just sports skills but help to build character, too!...unfortanulately, those "good ones" seem to be quiting because they do not want to be associated with the negative issues! My children have all had some great coaches over the years!
In no way was I trying to say that all youth coaches are bad...I am trying to figure out how to make youth sports better for all children. And I am trying to educate myself on being a better parent...and sharing what I have learned!
Thanks for the feedback!
I tried this yesterday, see if this works today. I totally agree, with 7 children the oldest being 24 and the youngest being 8 we have had years of difference in coaching. Their are some coaches that are out there to teach the game have fun and learn the fundamentals. Then there are coaches that win, win, win, is all they preach to the kids.
With the picture you have at the end, that is where the teaching begins, grandparents. My dad was involved in mine, my brothers and his grandchildrens sports. His love for the sports goes on in them. Katelyn will be going to Lake Land on a softball scholarship in the fall. He would be beaming from ear to ear if he was here today, but I know for sure he is up in heaven now. Thanks Amber, that picture is priceless.
Post a Comment